A Note on the Holidays
“The holidays can be an exciting time! You may get to see family you don’t often see. You might have gifts to exchange with loved ones or other traditions that make you feel loved and part of a family. But, unfortunately, that’s not true for everyone. For some, the holidays are filled with expectation and disappointment. A reminder of happier times. Or, indeed for many, a time of elevated risk.
Imagine, for a moment, the expectations and stress of the holidays build between you and your partner. Beyond hurtful words are exchanged, maybe even a threat made. But family is due to arrive soon and besides a broken plate to sweep up, you need to pull yourself together and put on a happy face while you watch the person, hours ago, red in the face screaming inches from your own become the life of the party: calm, friendly, even loving. Or imagine yourself suddenly cut off from familial support. Holiday movies, commercials, social media, even grocery store ads serve as reminders that holiday joy is only stereotypically possible with a roaring fireplace, 2.5 kids, and a romantic relationship (ideally, a new car also wrapped in an oversized bow in the driveway). In an ever isolated culture these expectations can feel crushing, but because fleeing an abusive relationship often feels to the survivor like they (and not the abuser) has caused this fracturing, resentment, grief, and pain can quickly turn to shame and guilt.
If you struggle during the holidays, I encourage you to reach out. Reach out to friends, reach out to organizations, and reach out to Harmony House. Advocates will be available 24/7, as always, during every holiday to safety plan or connect you with resources.”
-Atticus, Harmony House Staff Member
Harmony House’s hotline number is 417-864-7233 or you can chat here: https://www.myharmonyhouse.org/chat-with-us/.
For safety tips for the holidays and traveling with an abusive partner, check out thehotline.org! https://www.thehotline.org/resources/safety-planning-for-the-holidays/
Given the prevalence of sexual and domestic violence, it’s likely that many of us know someone who is directly affected by these issues. If you are concerned that a friend, loved one, family member, neighbor or co-worker has been or is being abused, you can provide support. Survivors say that someone helping them break the silence can be like opening a door. One of the biggest barriers to action is that many of us have been taught that domestic issues are private matters and not our business. The fact is, that domestic violence impacts us all! As with any other public health and human rights concern, we all have a role to play in ending the violence.
If you suspect someone close to you is experiencing some form of sexual or domestic violence, you can:
- Listen without judging and don’t rush to provide a solution. Remember the victim is not responsible for someone else’s abusive or violent behavior.
- Believe them! Let them know you support them and ask what you can do to help.
- Support them. Let them know you care about them and let them know it isn’t their fault. Offer to go with them to talk to someone.
- Help them to make their own decisions and get the resources they need rather than doing it for them.
- Encourage them to contact a local program, such as Harmony House. This is where they can talk to a trained advocate, find safe shelter, and get the resources they need to break the cycle.
- Be part of their safety planning. Whether they are leaving, staying or unsure about their next steps, planning for their safety is key. Click here for a Safety Plan
- Maintain their confidentiality. Do not share this information with anyone else without the specific permission of the victim.
- Understand that healing is a process that is different for each person. Express compassion, nonjudgmental support and acceptance.
Source: Jane Doe Inc.
